You Don’t Have to Be the One Everyone Likes
What Leaving My Career Taught Me About Worth, Trust, and Starting Over
When Your Paycheck Depends on Being Liked
I was a fitness manager off and on for 16 years. And my paycheck since I was an adult was always tied to commission. There are great perks to this. You learn that you get out what you put in. If you don’t make the calls, hunt for the clients, they won’t come to you. You learn how to get people to like you, trust you. You learn how to read people, figure out how to give them what they need while also getting them what you want.
I spent a good portion being a leader for others. And in many ways, it was very similar to how I managed my 1:1 clients. Work with my team members on making them the best possible trainer. Keep them happy. Help them any way that you can. Because they become great teammates and their clients stay and it creates this amazing ecosystem.
This also means that I spent years in service-based roles where my income was tied to others’ opinions and results. If shit hit the fan, it was up to me to fix it. If someone didn’t want to work for me, I had to figure out how to rectify the situation. I had a lot of moments where I felt taken advantage of by clients, treated like shit by my employees.
There were great times, but also times where I was CONSTANTLY trying to prove myself to others. When it came time to walk away, I thought it would be easy. Make my own hours. Not put up with other people’s shit anymore.
What I was not ready for was having no clue who I WAS. I had spent years studying others. Helping them to hone their skills and create specialties and niches. When it came time to flipping the mirror, I had no idea how difficult it would be.
The Emotional Cost of People-Pleasing in the Fitness Industry
Commission. Bonuses. Client feedback.
The pressure to be liked. To never appear weak.
How that shaped your identity and kept you controlling the narrative.
This was especially true when I entered into new markets. NYC proved to be difficult because—well—I’m not from New York lol. I had trainers who thought I was “too nice” and prospective clients not buy from me because they didn’t think that I was “legit.” Apparently, having years of experience and expertise, patience and a love for training wasn’t enough.
The Real Rewire
So fast forward a few years. If you’ve read my other Substacks or blogs, if you’ve seen a Reel or even attended one of my workshops, I have a clear understanding now of who I am and what I do, who I work well with.
Every client that comes to me who struggles with figuring out what their body needs nutrition- and fitness-wise, navigating perimenopause and weight gain, balancing a career and family while also just trying to feel like “themselves,” I see you.
Because I’ve been through it. Not only with my own body and letting go of being a Division I athlete, a marathoner, heck, someone who could deadlift 200 lbs. I had to completely rewire who I was as a COACH. A solopreneur.
Learning to sit with discomfort.
Releasing clients, communities, or colleagues who no longer aligned.
Struggling in silence, not because you didn’t care—but because you cared too much.
Letting go of being “the one everyone likes” in order to become “the one who tells the truth.”
It’s the whole reason Rewire is the first (and truly most important) pillar of my Strength and Longevity Method. Because until you can let go of the standards that are holding you back, of truly figuring out what YOU need, everything else is bullshit.
Why Women Struggle to Break Free (Research Insight)
According to a 2022 study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, women in leadership and entrepreneurial roles often feel heightened pressure to meet others’ expectations, reporting greater emotional burnout when they deviate from traditional workplace norms or take big risks. Another report from the Harvard Business Review notes that women are more likely than men to internalize failure as personal inadequacy, especially in performance-based industries.
This mirrors what I see in my clients. Many of us have been conditioned to wait for permission; to be chosen, validated, or deemed “ready”; instead of owning our growth and taking up space.
What My Clients and I Had to Unlearn
Most women come into fitness carrying everyone else’s expectations:
What they “should” eat
What they “should” weigh
How they “should” look
My job (and rewire) is to help them unlearn that…because that’s what I had to do too.
Closing Reflection
Rewiring isn’t about perfection. It’s about reclaiming agency. And trusting that your value doesn’t live in anyone else’s opinion of you.
If you’re at a point where you know the old ways (of training, eating, achieving, and performing) just aren’t working anymore, I invite you to book a Fitness Roadmap Session with me.
Because REWIRE isn’t just about fitness or nutrition. It’s about learning what your body actually needs; mentally, physically, and emotionally; and building a new way forward that’s aligned, empowering, and uniquely yours.